I watch infomercials.Yikes! Did I write that out loud??
I have this tendency. After the kids are in bed, I wade through the channels (which doesn't take long, as we don't have cable).
Lately I've been stopping on a UHF channel that carries a variety of TimeLife paid programs. I only mean to stop there for a second or two, but before I know it an hour has gone by and all my reading time has evaporated.
Here's the formula that sucks me in:
1 aging celebrity.
+
1 affable female
I have this tendency. After the kids are in bed, I wade through the channels (which doesn't take long, as we don't have cable).
Lately I've been stopping on a UHF channel that carries a variety of TimeLife paid programs. I only mean to stop there for a second or two, but before I know it an hour has gone by and all my reading time has evaporated.
Here's the formula that sucks me in:
1 aging celebrity.
+
1 affable female
+
1 generic living room setting
+
1 pitcher of lemonade
+
18 music video clips
18 music video clips
@
3 second each
+
Intermittent sales pitches with 800 number
-
ANY mention of price. Lots of mention about the time and energy saved by having the collection compiled by the kind folks at TimeLife.
Repeat, repeat, repeat.
But wait! There's more! More tips on addicting people to your infomercials!Aging celebrity: Get a vaguely familiar face like Barry Williams ("Greg Brady"), Peter Fonda, Kevin Cronin (REO Speedwagon) or the two guys from Air Supply.
Female: she must look almost-famous, to make you feel like you WOULD recognized her if only you'd had a clearer head in the 60s, 70s or 80s, or if you'd gotten out more in the 90s or 00s.
Short clips because the video and audio are out of synch, sometimes obnoxiously so. Show The Monkees goofing around on a bicycle on the beach. Show The Knack dressed like Beatles and singing about teen lust. Show The Bangles walking like Egyptians. Show Freddy Mercury prancing on stage in that harlequin outfit. Leave 'em wanting more.
Sales pitch must begin with "But wait! There's more!" And every other one must say, "And for the first 50 callers...this EXtra BOnus CD!!"
What's with the lemonade?
I've lost some sleep over this. But no cash.
Does anyone else confess? Admitting you have a problem is the first step.
###
After The Call, we get The lowdown on Drama 2B Mama.
4 comments:
I'm a sucker for the workout video ones like winds*r pilates. They make it look so easy and the converts/success stories are so convincing then I think "Oh, I'll bet I can stick to this, it looks so easy."
I'm lucky if I lasted two weeks on that one.
Still I get tempted to order the next new thing, but I've placed a ban on buying another until I actually do the one I have for say 3 months or more.
Infomercials?! Really? That is too funny. Hmmm . . . I wonder if you could use that time for a nice soak in the tub? ;)
And what about the enthusiastic and amazed studio audience? That's my favorite part. I love the shot of the guy smiling and shaking his head in disbelief.
Beagle -- good idea about the ban. Yeah, like I'd have those abs if I bought that contraption.
Kami -- you're RIGHT! I'd rather be in the bug. But the infomercials SUCK ME IN!
Furrow -- those people crack me up. I've sat in a studio audience before, and I know that it's all illusion. THe smiling and head-shaking happens on cue, not spontaneously. That's what I think of during those shots: HOW FAKE.
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