Hypotheticals:1. A man feels a burning desire to paint. For 20+ years, he studies art, paints, works menial jobs to pay the bills, and calls himself an artist. He never sells a painting. He stays focused on his internal flame, even in the complete absence of any external fanning of it.
Does this dedication, this focus, this single-mindedness make the man a winner or a loser?
2. Your best friend fancies herself a dancer. She has unwavering dedication to her practice and to her dream of becoming a professional dancer. However it seems clear to you (and to others) that she has neither the physique nor the talent to achieve her goal.
Would you support her best by encouraging her in this dream or by gently helping her to see other options for herself?
***
This weekend Rob and I watched Little Miss Sunshine (we're always a year or two behind Oscar). This is an utterly fabulous movie that made me think about family, about loyalty, about tenacity, about where we take our cues from, about what we allow to limit us. I laughed and laughed at the various unexpected plot turns. And I'm still thinking about the plights of the characters.
What do you think? Does unwavering tenacity make you a winner or a loser? Can one be too tenacious when it comes to a dream?
And if so, how does one know when to drop the dream?
10 comments:
Such a great movie! I think this issue is one of those fine lines that is difficult to see buried in the sand.
Dreams should always be pursued and encouraged as long as they don't hurt anyone and don't prevent someone from supporting themselves. As long as you enjoy doing something, I see no harm in doing it even if you suck at it provided that you are able to make a living-whether it is through that particular activity, or through a day job.
I guess I would look at it and encourage the people in the examples above to pursue their dreams as a hobby as opposed to a career. I don't think this necessarily means you are giving up on your dream. It just means you are being realistic about life, but still doing what you love to do.
Such a good question. I think any passion to the point where you're driving away all other possibilities isn't healthy--whether you're a winner or a loser at that activity. But in both cases you present, I'd actually see both as winners for finding something they enjoy and as long as the activity is not destroying their self-esteem, I'd encourage them to keep at it.
That said, I absolutely HATE it when people say something like "anything is possible! Believe in your dreams." Because there are things that are impossible. No matter how much I practice, I will never be on the WNBA, and if that's my goal, it will always be out of reach. On the other hand, if I'm happy to simply play basketball and play it as often as a professional player, well, sure, go for it, Mel.
What? I don't even play basketball at all.
"...the journey from Kamakura to Kyoto takes twelve days. If you travel for eleven but stop with only one day remaining, how can you admire the moon over the capital? " - Nichiren Daishonin.
I'm all for pursuing your dreams. But if dreams are not build on realistic actions then they are fantasies. Big difference.
1. easy--definitely a winner. life's a journey not a destination. my vote is for those who give their all to whatever their passion is. i feel sad for those who don't have passion.
2. easy again-real friends would offer genuine feedback. to me, honesty (said with kindness and compassion of course) is the key to trust and trust is the key to true friendship.
fun questions.
i loved the movie too!
mb
Such great insights!
Denise -- good point about hobby vs career.
Mel, if only your online stature could dribble, you'd definitely be WNBA material.
Deathstar -- dream vs fantasy, good distinction.
MB -- me, too. I'm so glad your passion is available for the world to see.
My thought would be that it depends on what the person's feelings about the activity are. Does s/he enjoy it and feel fulfilled by it? Or does the frustration and the sadness that s/he is never going to be a "success" in the eyes of the world predominate?
A thought:
By all standards of rationality, someone should have stopped Olive from participating in the competition.
There were several moments when loving people in the movie tried to gently discourage her and acquaint her with reality. Her father implied that her body type wasn't star material. Even her brother, with his dreams of being a pilot shattered tried to get the mother to prevent her. He wanted to protect her from being eaten alive by an obviously cruel competition community.
Her mother listened to her heart, and listened to Olive, and magic resulted. She transcended the pettiness of the devotees--triumph and healing resulted for her entire family.
Had her family succeeded in disabusing her of her passion, she would have been left far short of what she achieved.
Yeah, it was a movie, but still...
Olive's mom sacrificed her time, her family's time, and her money, for her daughter's happiness, like many parents do. I like that she did this even though she knew her daughter wasn't going to win. She valued her daughter's happiness above all else, and it's inspiring to see that devoted love. As it turned out, everyone in the family was affected in a positive way by Olive's and mom's tenacity.
But I think a general answer depends on whether you have others depending on you who could be affected in a negative way by your tenacity.
I have a husband who is driven to find true happiness in a career, not a bad goal. His passion is to help people, not a bad passion. He wants to go back to school in his late 40s for a degree in social work -- he'll make a lot less money but will feel fulfilled. If he didn't want children, the drop in income would be relatively harmless. But I think when you have people depending on you, you need to consider their needs first. Not that you shouldn't consider your own, but you need to weigh theirs in, and heavily.
One more thought. It's good to add three words to the old adage "it's better to try and fail than never try at all"...."to a point."
I loved that movie too. I do think that pursuing a dream can bring happiness, but if the happiness only comes from achieving the dream there might be times to give up.
I think this comes up a lot when dealing with infertility. You can keep trying for a baby in a certain way that may never be successful. When do you pursue an alternate path and when do you keep trying the one that you are on?
Not willing to be flexible or change your view of the dream could lead to only more heartache.
Niobe -- excellent distinction.
Ex -- my heart soared during that transcendence scene. I loved that her family did what they did for Olive.
Heidi -- I see what you mean. When one's decision affect others, one must factor in the others.
Kami -- I was also wonderng how this tenacity applied to IF. How does one be both passionate and realistic at the same time? Like you say, flexibility is key.
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