How to live a charmed life in 2010

I'm going to share with you the simple sentence that made all the difference to me. In one decade, it has taken me from willing my own death* to leading quite a charmed life.

It is the simplest thing in the world. Yet I find it to be tantalizingly difficult.

Ready?

I mean, are you really ready?

OK -- here it is.

I already am all that I seek.

That's it! Feel charmed now?

Maybe I should say more.

~~~~~

In the early 2000s, I began studying energy work under a modern-day mystic named Ethel. My classmates and I became intimate friends and supporters of each other, and we continued to meet and learn for 5 years. I am convinced that my time with Ethel and these women made the difference between the devastating '90s and the uber-blessed '00s.

Too often, in our prayers or meditations or supplications, we dwell on what we DON'T have. Implied or explicit, when you say, "I want health. I want an end to money woes. I want fertility. I want success. I want love," you are coming from a place of lack. You feel powerless, at the mercy of God/fate/the Universe. You are small and alone and limited.

But there is another way, a way that doesn't come from lack, from limitation, from the small you. Instead, it comes from abundance, from the Unlimited, from the big, connected You. Which is, I believe, the REAL You. (I wrote briefly about about small lori and Big Lori here.)

My previous prayers were prayers of contraction. "Please let me get this job. Please bring me a soul mate. Please give me a positive pee stick. Please make me healthy." Oprah and The Secret may espouse the Law of Attraction, but know that in drawing something to you, you are pulling in, contracting.

Contracting takes place in the realm of duality (healthy/sick, employed/unemployed, BFP/BFN). Expansion, on the other hand, goes up a level, if you will, to the realm of unity. Contraction assumes what you want is separate from you. Expansion acknowledges that nothing is separate from you –- it is only unmanifested because of limits to your ability to live consciously.

How about in 2010, playing instead with expansion? With how connected you are to all. How about realizing -- or just preTENDing to realize, at first, that you already are all that you seek.

Notice that it doesn't say you already HAVE all that you seek. This thought is not about doing, about acquiring, but about BEing. Being the Big You.

So get a bunch of sticky notes, and write the phrase on them. Stick them on your mirror, your dashboard, your kitchen cupboard, your computer monitor. Let it seep into you by osmosis, effortlessly. Become acquainted with the thought.

Next, just pretend. Play what if. What if your heart's desire was not separate from you? What if You are so big that nothing is separate from you? What if You already are all that you seek?

And if you already meditate or do yoga or set intentions, try this one: It is my intention to remember that I already am all that I seek. Dwell on this for a few minutes daily.

Commit to this thought for 2010 and see what happens.

Here is an expansion meditation I wrote about early in my blogging days. It is aimed at the adoption wait, but it can be applied to any situation where you wish to manifest what you seek by simply acknowledging your awesomeness, your bigness.

Consider yourself charmed.

* you might recognize this as the Creme de la Creme 2009 entry of my other blog, Drama 2B Mama.

Image: Clint Sprott's Fractal Collection

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Peace big and small

A child asked at bedtime, "Mommy why is there war? Why can't there be peace in the world?"

"Well, to have peace in the world, we need peace in our country.

"To have peace in our country, we must have peace in our city.

"To have peace in our city, we must have peace in our neighborhood.

"To have peace in our neighborhood we must have peace in our home.

"To have peace in our homes we must have peace in our hearts." *

So, my friends, family, readers and fellow bloggers (many of you occupying more than 1 of these categories), rather than world peace, I wish each of you peace within yourself.

And I wish the same for me.

*vignette paraphrased from a story told by my Teacher, Ethel. It has become my annual wish.








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Bloom Where You're Planted

This is a cucumber plant in our yard. I did not put it there. I planted cucumbers about 75 feet away in a carefully tended garden. But this rogue cuke somehow grounded itself in the rocks, near the children's swing set and assorted pairs of stomping feet. Stubborn thing.

In that carefully tended garden, I have melons. I did not plant these melons. Earlier in the summer Roger served a breakfast of honeydew with prosciutto and lime juice, and then mulched the waste. I suppose the seeds took root. Stubborn things.

In the front yard, hanging over the driveway, there is a sunflower (? botanists, please confirm?). I did not plant it. There are no similar flowers near it. It is so florally prolific that it droops in the path of Roger's car as he heads into and out of the garage. It's taken quite a beating, but still keeps producing flowers that reach for the light. Stubborn thing.

I honor the hearty biology of these organisms, that they strive to grow where they are. I admire their thirst for sunlight, their ongoing quest for growth, no matter what sense there is in their surroundings.


I dedicate this post to Tessa and Reed, the hearty, stubborn rogues that landed in my garden. Grow with me here!

The Space Between

I got the message loud and clear that I need to learn to deal with suspense.

If I were more dramatic, I might have titled this post, "My son does not have a brain tu.mor."

Now YOU have to deal with suspense.

The lesson started benignly enough. A company asked to put a product link on my blogs for a fee. We negotiated a price and I put up the link. I gave the company my PayPal information to collect payment.

It didn't come.

It didn't come.

It didn't come.

Hmmmm. I thought. What could be going on? My mind then went to all the things that could have happened. The company backed out. They were fooling me. I messed up the negotiations. The CEO was arrested as part of a scam and now my blog would be implicated.

Hmmmm. I thought. What was really going on? Not with the situation, but with me. I was hurtling to conclusions. I was projecting. I was, perhaps, creating realities I didn't want simply with the power of my thoughts.

I decided to be more conscious about it. I really don't know anything became my mantra whenever I began to feel unsettled about the missing funds. An even deeper inner voice also told me to learn to be in the in between place. And that this is very important.

The next day, I had another chance. An article I'd submitted has been accepted to a magazine I read and respect. In fact, the editor wanted me to ADD to the piece. She asked via email if the piece was still available and if I would consider lengthening it. If so, she would send additional questions.

I responded immediately. Yes! Please send questions and I'll rework.

A day went by.

No response.

Another day.

The mind-chatter began: The editor changed her mind. She found a better article. The magazine folded. I had a typo in my response and the editor vowed not to work with anyone who doesn't proof their emails.

The calming voice kicked in. I really don't know anything. Except that I am in the in-between place. I'd better get comfy here. I will keep being presented with this lesson until I master it.

The email arrived. We are on track.

Time for the SAT of cosmic lessons (there's a reason I'm shying away from the more obvious metaphor of a "final exam").

Reed complained of headache Friday night. Intense, "stabbing" headaches in the back. No other symptoms, no fever. Just a headache that woke him from a deep sleep that night. Twice.

Early Saturday morning I got an on-call nurse on the line who told us to bring Reed in as soon as Urgent Care opened. Rob did that while I stayed home with a sleeping Tessa.

I did the stupid Dr Google thing (why can we not refrain from doing so?) and thus commenced the mind-chatter, which sounded like this:

• it'snotasinusinfectionbecauseifitwereitwouldbeinthefront
• it'snotanyotherinfectionsbecauseifitwerehewouldhaveafever
• it'snotdehyddrationbecausewehadhimdrinkwater
• it'snotsunstrokebecausehewasn'tinthesun
• itmustbesomethingreallyreallytrulytrulybadthatwillchangemylife
• irememberthatoneguywhosedaughterdiedofabraintumorwithindaysofdiagnosis
• iwouldwanttodiekillmenow
• idon'twanttobecomeacausecelebreinBlogWorldbecauseihavetragedyinmylife
  
• andhowcouldIhavetweetedjustyesterdaythatmylifewassowonderful?
• hahathegodsarelaughingatmyhubris

I began to quell the voice, repeating my mantra, I really don't know anything. I had some success; I found some mind silence.

Then Tessa woke up. And the voice INside my head became a voice OUTside my head.

"What will happen, Mama? Will he get a shot? Will he die? What will we do if he dies?"

This was actually good for me. For I said, out loud, "We really don't know anything. Let's just sit with what is and we will handle what comes."

And, I breathed. I stayed present. Right at this moment -- the only moment there really is -- I was breathing and loving and aware of my family. I really don't know anything.

After about 2 hours of being in the space between, Rob called to tell me that the doctor said that sinus pain sometimes telegraphs to the back of the head. Mo.trin and some allergy medication is all that was called for.

My boys came home and I gave them both the biggest hugs of my life.

I don't think the outcome was good just because I passed the test; I don't believe it works that way. Rather, I think that I had, at a soul level, asked for opportunities to play in the space between, to get a little familiar with it so that I won't freak out every time I find myself there.

And I got my wish.

***

Another day, another chance to vote for Weebles Wobblog. Please click on the blue button, scroll down to the Most Inspiring category, and vote for this blog, currently in 4th place. (You can also vote for Luna in the same category, and for Eden in the Most Provocative Blog category and now Melissa in the Blog I've Learned The Most From category.) Rock the ALI vote!

Here's a button if you'd like to help me make a good showing against some fabulous blogs. Not that I'm competitive or anything. OK, maybe inspiringly competitive.

(To those of you with the button: I really won't hurt the cute puppy.)

Perfect Moment Monday: stillness

Perfect Moment Monday is more about noticing a perfect moment than about creating one. Perfect moments can be momentous or ordinary or somewhere in between.

We gather here once a week to engage in mindfulness about something that is right with our world. Everyone is welcome to join. Details on how to participate are at the bottom of this post, complete with bloggy bling.

Please visit the links of the participants at the bottom.

Here's a perfect moment from my week.

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I tweeted this thought this week:

Why is is possible to be able to say "I have a good life"
but also NOT to be able to say "I am happy"?

I wasn't really feeling depressed; just noticing that having happy things around me doesn't guarantee happy feelings in me. It may follow, too, that having sad things around me doesn't have to mean sad feelings in me.

Does the center of a spinning wheel move? I see the very heart of myself as the part that is fluid yet rock steady no matter what drama is going on in the dizzying outlying radius. At my core is that small kernel of the Divine, the timeless mystery. And it's surrounded by my story, the one that's been unfolding throughout my life.

So for this week, as I was feeling a little melancholy -- not because of anything, just as part of a mood cycle -- I found the stillness in me that is impervious and eternal.

For just a moment. A perfect moment.
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Be sure to follow the links below and share the bloggy love.

Once you make a Perfect Moment post, you are qualified to place this button on your blog.

I Capture
Perfect Moments.

Now. What Perfect Moment have you recently been aware of?

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Got something to donate to the "Send Melissa West" tour? Want to buy a donated item? Visit this post.

I'll have mine in June 09.
Want yours, too?
Just click through.

Peace big and small

A child asked at bedtime, "Mommy why is there war? Why can't there be peace in the world?"

"Well, to have peace in the world, we need peace in our country.

"To have peace in our country, we must have peace in our city.

"To have peace in our city, we must have peace in our neighborhood.

"To have peace in our neighborhood we must have peace in our home.

"To have peace in our homes we must have peace in our hearts." *

So, my friends, family, readers and fellow bloggers (many of you occupying more than 1 of these categories), rather than world peace, I wish each of you peace within yourself.

And I wish the same for me.

*vignette paraphrased from a story told by my Teacher, Ethel.

So says Megan

Megan is my yoga teacher. I'm sure she is quoting a famous yogi. Iyengar, maybe?

"The pose begins the moment you want to get out of it."

I am trying to apply this as a metaphor for life.

Maybe it means that I am most alive when I'm on the outside edge of my comfort zone...?

"The pose begins the moment you want to get out of it."

What do you think it means?

Show & Tell: The Divine Feminine (my version)

I painted this plate four summers ago while in the midst of my energy work classes. Because I consider myself not very artistic, I am fairly pleased with how it turned out.

My favorite touch is the earth-as-her-belly-button (you may have to click to enlarge).

The Divine Feminine is the energy of love. She is the being rather than the doing. She is the earth mother, the shelter, the abundance, the compassion, the love beyond reason.

By the way, she looks NOTHING like me. Witness the bounteous chestal area. She looks like some of you, I suppose. And like Ethel (my teacher).

Aren't we all divine?

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Want to see what the other kids are showing and telling? Visit Lollipop the Headmistress. (Don't tell her who put the tack on her chair.)

Third-eye chakra: seeing with the mind of G*d

(Reruns: Here is the seventh of eight in my chakra series. See if this post speaks to you today. My intuition says it will.)

If you already have a well-tuned sixth chakra, you might as well close this window because you already know what I'm going to say. That's a little joke. Ha ha.

Need catching up? Visit any of the previous entries:

Chakras: the rainbow within
First Chakra: The Root
Second Chakra: The Sacral
Third Chakra: The Solar Plexus
Fourth Chakra: The Heart
Fifth Chakra: The Throat

I love this painting, don't you? The color is so rich. There's an ethereal quality of floating over the earth (the material) and of also being immaterial. The head lifted from the physical body to the heavens signifies, to me, the meeting of our mental body with the Divine mind. I am taken in by the imagery.

If you've ever found yourself staring at someone's unibrow (or your own), you're also looking in the area of the sixth chakra. Odd to think of a unibrow looking back at you.

Do any of these apply to you?

• I fill my time with busy-ness and prefer it to stillness.
• I have beliefs that no longer work for me and I'd like to let go of them, but I don't know how.
• I don't really rely on my intuition. If I even have any.
• I am afraid of change.

The Third Eye Chakra is the home of intuition, insight, wisdom, clairvoyance, truth, imagination, and the ability to visualize. Its Sanskrit word is ajna, meaning to perceive or to command. This energy wheel influences the brain and nervous system, the eyes, ears and nose, and the pineal and pituitary glands.

Here are some indications that you've got an imbalance in your Third Eye Chakra.

Emotional and mental:

Feelings of inadequacy

Closed to new ideas, and ideas by others

Difficulty with emotional intelligence

Inability to learn from experience (like Benjamin Franklin's definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results).

Physical symptoms associated with imbalance:

Brain tumor or stroke

Neurological imbalances

Blindness or deafness

Spinal difficulties

Learning disabilities

The color is indigo. Like a velvety dark sky after dusk and before the deepest dark of the night. (It's said that "indigo children" are born with wide open 6th chakras.)
The seed sound is "OM." You know, the sound New Agers take a lot of teasing about. Om is a good chanting phoneme for opening and activating your Third Eye Chakra.
The verb is "I see."
The associated endocrine gland is the pituitary.
The Third Eye Chakra has to do with releasing perceptions that aren't true and seeing what is True and timeless.

Christian Sacrament: Ordination. To receive the grace to make sacred your path of service. Buddhists call this "Right Livelihood."
Jewish Sefirot: Binah, and Hokhmah. The duality of the feminine and masculine energies of G*d. Binah is the energy of the Divine mother, symbolizing compassion. Hokhmah is the energy of wisdom (the Divine masculine), symbolizing the contact point between the Divine mind and personal thoughts.
Healing thought: Seek only Truth.

Clairvoyance. Clairaudience. Clairsentience. Seeing Truth. Hearing one's inner voice (which is, in fact, Divine). Knowing with certainty.

To what degree do you experience these?

I exercise clairsentience in small things. Like which route to take home. The timing to pitch an article idea to an editor. Where my car keys are.

And this inner knowing has also been there for me in the bigger things. There was the time I heeded the voice when it told me to accompany a friend to a comedy improv show. That night I was captivated by this blue-eyed, intelligently humored performer, whom I asked to meet and who now is called "Daddy" by my children. There was the time I trusted my voice, going against "common sense," when it said I'd be better off if I quit my job in academia. I did, and we're somehow not destitute. I followed this guidance in choosing our adoption agency, the necessary route to our two children. And often I can see what blocks my clients in their quest to adopt a child.

But much of the time I don't stop and listen. I don't always notice my inner vision, and I don't make room for that knowing.

Why? It takes time. It takes space, and it takes stillness. DOing is easy, but BEing, not so much. And it's during the BEing that the Divine mind can reach us.

So here are some ways to clear and activate your Third Eye Chakra.

• Meditate. Even 5 minutes is beneficial.
• Practice yoga. This helps you get into your body (and out of your head) for a time, and be present with your breathing.
• The more you follow your guidance, the more you'll get guidance. So begin following it in the small things (whether to go straight or turn right), then the bigger things (what to do about your career or your "quest," whatever that may be).
• Practice freewrite journaling.
• Walk a labyrinth.
• Just before going to sleep, focus on the internal space between your eyes. See what images appear, what thoughts come up.
  
• Ask G*d/the Divine/the Universe to give you guidance. Simply asking opens the channel.
• Whatever your problems are, depersonalize them. In other words, see them as opportunities for you to become whole rather than as punishment, karma, injustice, justice, or bad luck.
• With intention ("I intend to clear my third eye"), grab at the space in front of your forehead as if you were clearing a cobweb. Maybe, metaphorically, you are.

It's late now, and I'm off to get some shut-eye. Hopefully, a triple dose (another little joke. haha.)

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This post researched, in part, from Anatomy of the Spirit, by Caroline Myss, PhD.

The paintings for this series were created by Lisa Brown-Olsen. Her work is featured at Green Mountain Yoga. Check out GMY's online store, where you can also find chakra balancing jewelry by Mindy Arbuckle, owner of Green Mountain Yoga.

Putting it out to the Universe

So every couple of weeks (like today) I get a message from Amazon saying,

"We noticed that you were accepted to the Amazon.com Associate Program several weeks ago but have yet to refer a sale."

Just moments later, I read about Mel's Wishing Tree, which got me thinking. I'm gonna be straight with you, straight with myself, and make a declaration.

It is my intention to make a living at blogging, at writing. My extroverted sister, Tami, says that blogging is the introvert's way of being "out there."

I think she's right. I love being "out there" with all of you. Some of you I have met. Some of you I follow in my Reader. Some of you I check in on occasionally. Some of you I know nothing about. I see you on my site statistics, but I know only that you keep tuning in to me. And that makes me feel sooooo good. And grateful.

I love the connections. I love the writing and connecting processes.

And in my entire working life, I have never bounded out of bed to get to my "work" space like I do now.

I figure I have this school year to turn my play into pay. I have this burdensome notion that once both my children are in all-day school, I should earn my keep, that I should return to the status of a paid working person. Right now, with blogging, it's heavy on the "working" (which feels more like playing) but light on the "paid."

Is it wrong to want to save money for my kids to go to college? To maybe go back myself one day for a PhD? To want to have enough discretionary income to travel once in awhile? And yet, to not want to go back to a corporate or academic soul-stealing machine?

I think not.

Back to the Amazon message. To fund my bloggy habit, I have placed some widgets on my sidebars. Some of them benefit me when you simply click them (such as the BlogHer banner top-left and Ads by Google lower-left, in pink). Please click. Sustainedly, each time you visit me.

Some of the widgets benefit me if you click though and buy something.

• IF you are looking for a good book, see the Amazon widget with my mini-reviews on the lower-right sidebar ("Shapers of Me" in pink).
• IF you are needing yoga equipment or a hotel room, check out my section on the lower-left called "Tessa's and Reed's College Funds."
• IF you covet any the items Chicklet and I review favorably on All Thumbs, how about going to the All Thumbs Amazon store to make your purchase.

IF you are planning on any of those things anyway, why not click through here or All Thumbs?

Please continue to think of my portals when you are in the market for these items.


I write. I am successful. I have the privilege of writing and blogging for a living. I am worthy of the life I wish to live. I am a writer.

Thank you, readers.

Thank you, Universe.

Throat chakra: Where's your will? In your way.

(Reruns: During the summer months, I am interspersing new posts with entries from my Chakra series. Here is the sixth of eight. See if it speaks to you today.)

Any of these apply to you?

• People say I'm strong-willed.
• I have no self-control when it comes to ______ (insert any addiction you might be battling, which for me was sugar).
• I'm a bit controlling. OK, more than a bit.
• I have trouble expressing myself honestly.
• I need assurances of outcome before I'll make a change.

Welcome to the realm of the Throat Chakra, the seat of your will.

As you've probably guessed, the Throat Chakra is in your neck, located halfway between the notch in your collarbone on the front and your spinal bump on the back. The fifth chakra is a place of will, expression, and control.

Need catching up? Visit any of the previous entries in this series:

Chakras: the rainbow within
First Chakra: The Root
Second Chakra: The Sacral
Third Chakra: The Solar Plexus
Fourth Chakra: The Heart

Here are some indications that you've got an imbalance in your Throat Chakra.

Emotional and mental:

Addiction

Judgmental and critical

Difficulty making decisions

Frustration with or fear about expressing yourself

Stubbornness

Overwhelming need to know why

Physical symptoms associated with imbalance:

Chronic sore throat

Laryngitis or pharyngitis

Raspy voice or little girl voice (think Betty Boop or Kristen Chenoweth)

TMJ

Thyroid problems

Mouth or gum sores

The color is blue. Like a clear sky on a winter day.
The seed sound is "HUM" This is mentioned for those who meditate. This would be an appropriate chanting phoneme, as sound is a primeval force.
The verb is "I speak."
The sense is sound.

The associated endocrine gland is the thyroid.

The Throat Chakra has to do with surrendering your own will to G*d or to the Divine.

Christian Sacrament: Confession. Taking responsibility for one's deeds and receiving the grace to cleanse yourself of negative acts of will.

Jewish Sefirot: Gevurah, and Hesed. The left and right arms of G*d. Gevurah represents power, judgment and punishment; Hesed symbolizes the love and mercy of G*d.

Healing thought: Surrender personal will to Divine will.

For anytime you're feeling that your life just isn't what you thought it would be, here's a powerful passage by Dr. Caroline Myss:

As we mature, we all try to build lives according to our own will. First we separate from our parents; we establish our independence, and we seek a career. Then, inevitably, some event or crisis occurs. Perhaps an occupation does not unfold according to plan; or a marriage does not work out; or an illness develops. We find ourselves in a situation that forces us to confront the limitations of our own inner resources that prevent us from successfully completing our plans...We ponder some questions: "What am I meant to do with my life? What was my purpose in being born?" These questions set the stage for aligning our will to the Divine plan -- the most profound choice we can make.

That one choice, made in faith and trust, allows Divine authority to enter out lives and reorder our struggles into successes and our wounds into strengths. While we may or may not consciously desire to surrender our personal will to Divine authority, we are sure to encounter numerous opportunities to do so. An incentive to make that choice lied in the life stories -- and life struggle -- of people who experienced nothing but pain and failure until they said to God, "You take over." Extraordinary acts of synchronicity then filled their lives, and new relationships their hearts. I have yet to meet the person who ever regretted saying to the Divine, "All yours."

As I research and compose this post, I can't quite get my throat clear -- a sign that I've got some releasing to do in my Throat Chakra. (In fact, with each post for this series, the spotlighted chakra in my own body has given me plenty of material to work with.) So here's a rundown of the things I can check:

• Am I holding back in speaking my truth?
• Am I expressing judgment or criticism of someone (or myself)?
• Have I told any lies? Obscured any truths?
• Am I living by Divine guidance or my own fear?
• Am I truly open to Divine guidance, or am I really trying to control G*d by saying "Guide me but stay within my comfort zone"?
• Am I over-controlling something or someone?
  
• Am I stuck on the question "Why?" for a situation?

"Thy Will Be Done." One of those phrases where simple ≠ easy.

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This post researched, in part, from Anatomy of the Spirit, by Caroline Myss, PhD.

The paintings for this series were created by Lisa Brown-Olsen. Her work is featured at Green Mountain Yoga. Check out GMY's" online store, where you can also find chakra balancing jewelry by Mindy Arbuckle, owner of Green Mountain Yoga.

Book tour: pasta, prayer beads, plumeria

How can a book be both light and deep?

That was my thought last year when I read this current pick of the Barren Bi+tches Book Brigade, Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert.

When I say "light," I don't mean lightweight. I mean enlightening. I loved the way Gilbert struggled with and balanced her head and her heart, and the lengths she would go to in order to find alignment. I related well to her story, and I lived vicariously through this book a life I might have had.

Here are my three questions and answers. After them, you'll find out how to see what others on the tour are saying.

The author, because of personal traumas, decides to go on a spiritual/emotional journey. Have you ever gone through such a journey because of a personal trauma? And what did you learn about yourself?

Many years ago, I came back from living a year in Japan, and I had a spot on my lung. The treatment options were drastic: (1) a lifetime of steroids (which could affect fertility -- hah!); (2) an experimental drug that wasn't available in this country; or (3) a lobectomy, removal of that part of my lung.

Needless to say, I didn't like any of my options.

About that time, a modern-day mystic named Ethel entered my life. Thus began a spiritual journey I am still on today. As I clear away crap, I have made room in my life for the man who would become my husband (a better man than I'd ever dreamed of), my children (ohhhh, how I'm grateful for these two), and improved health. There are ever-deepening layers of knowing and loving myself.

I wrote in more detail about this here. And you can check out my posts labeled "Spirituality" if you'd like to know more.

The author learns Italian for the pure love of it (no real practical reason). Have you wanted to learn something just for the pure sake of the knowledge? Did you pursue it and how did it make you feel once you had done it?

I'm laughing because blogging is something I do for no practical reason. I do it for fun. I make virtually no money (unless you just happen to click on any of the Google or BlogHer ads you see here, or order from my Amazon or Yoga ads -- go on, be the first).

Blogging is a bit like a journey. I travel inward as I think, feel, and clarify. I travel outward as I read your posts and get to know you. And sometimes, I literally travel to meet you.

Blogging makes me feel great. If only laundry did, as well.

In Chapter 60, the plumber/poet from New Zealand gives Liz some Instructions for Freedom. #7: "Let your intention be freedom from useless suffering. Then, let go." To what extent has any suffering you've experienced in response to your own struggles (such as infertility, loss, illness) been inevitable? Natural but unhelpful? Useless? Does the suffering serve any purpose for you? Is that purpose enough to justify ongoing suffering?

Here's what I believe is true. That doesn't mean I always live as though I believe it.

Suffering is a choice. Being uncomfortable has a purpose -- to get us to change something that isn't working. The signal to pursue pleasure is much more subtle than is the signal to end pain. When my higher self calls me to expand and grow, it often has to resort to the latter.

For example, I thought infertility would kill me. I thought my life was over, bleak, meaningless. But it was all just a story that was happening to the temporal me (let's call her Small Lori). But infertility was not the defining theme for the timeless me, my spirit, my higher self (let's call her Big Lori). Rather, it was what called Small Lori to grow, to rise above, to plow through, to toughen up, to open up. Clearing and opening like this enables the Small and the Big to unite for periods of time.*

So, to get back to the question: Is it inevitable? Yes (except for people who come into this life fully actualized). Natural? Yes. Like a caterpillar must become goo in a cocoon before it emerges as a butterfly. Unhelpful or useless? No. Not when prompted by Big Lori. Small Lori, however, does create unhelpful and useless suffering and drama on occasion. (OK. More frequently than that.)

So simple, yet not easy.

* Please note that I am speaking only about my own suffering. I would not presume to understand anyone else's or to simplify it in these terms.

Great book. Read it if you haven't.

Hop along to another stop on this blog tour by visiting the main list at Stirrup Queens (http://stirrup-queens.blogspot.com/). You can also sign up for the next book on this online book club: Baby Trail by Sinead Moriarty (with author participation).

Heart chakra: divine power within you

Today brings the latest entry in the Chakra Rerun* series. If you need catching up, here are links to the previous four:

Chakras: the rainbow within
First Chakra: The Root
Second Chakra: The Sacral
Third Chakra: The Solar Plexus

This week's spotlight is on the fourth or Heart Chakra -- our emotional center. The awesome power to transform our lives and our world, through the energy of the heart, remains largely untapped for many of us. But it need not be.

Questions to ponder regarding today's chakra:

What emotional memories do you still need to heal?

What relationships need healing?

What fears do you have about being emotionally healthy?

Who do you need to forgive, and what prevents you from releasing the pain you associate with these individuals?

The Heart Chakra is positioned just behind your heart. The fourth chakra is a place of balance, located halfway between three chakras that deal with the physical/earth (root, sacral, solar plexus) and the three chakras that deal with the spiritual/heaven (throat, third eye, crown).

The Heart Chakra is the home of unconditional love. It becomes imbalanced when we are unable to forgive, when we hold resentment.

Here are some indications that you've got an imbalance in your Heart Chakra.

Emotional and mental:

Resentment and bitterness

Grief and anger

Self-centeredness

Over protectiveness of self

Issues with hope and trust

Physical symptoms associated with imbalance:

Heart problems

Asthma/allergies

Lung problems, like cancer or pneumonia

Upper back and shoulder problems

Breast cancer

The color is green. A luscious, verdant green embodying the love of Mother Nature.
The element is air. This chakra is airy and light, and has the energy of movement and transformation.

The seed sound is "YUM" This is mentioned for those who meditate. This would be an appropriate chanting phoneme, as sound is a primeval force.
The verb is "I love."

The sense is touch.

The associated endocrine gland is the thymus, located in the center of the chest.

The Heart Chakra has to do with your ability to give and receive love.

Christian Sacrament: Marriage. Honoring the need to love and care for yourself so that you can fully love another and enter into true partnership.

Jewish Sefirot: Tif'eret. The energy of compassion, harmony and beauty.

Healing thought: Love is Divine Power.

The Heart Chakra holds victim patterns
Caroline Myss, PhD, talks in her book, Why People Don't Heal and How They Can, about "leading with your wounds." In a nutshell, it's about how our hurts actually benefit us in some way. So we hang onto these hurts fiercely, even as they destroy us.

Here's a personal example. I grew up with severe asthma. I learned pretty early on (albeit at a subconscious level) that this condition got me things and got me out of things. It got me Mom's attention, Teacher's attention, special handling. It got me out of vacuuming at home and out of doing the 600 yard dash in gym class. While it also brought me allergy tests and shots, asthma became part of my identity. After 2+ decades of being asthmatic, I did not know how to be otherwise.

At the end of a year in Japan during my late 20s, I returned to the States with pneumonia. Follow up care revealed places in my right lung that were damaged by an allergic reaction to mold. I was back in a dry climate, but the problems persisted. It was time to deal with this illness on a more conscious level.

Enter Ethel, a modern-day mystic. Ethel was leaving her job as program director at an adult learning network, and I was hired to replace her. As she spent weeks training me, I began to see another way of dealing with illness and old wounds.

There's more to the story, but for now I'll just say that I began to release my need to cling to "my" asthma. I became aware of times when lung problems worked FOR me. Like when I was dismissed from duties ("Your sisters will rake the leaves. We don't want you to wheeze.") or when I got attention ("Boyfriend, I need you! I can't breathe you must give me some TLC!"). I began to see that there were other, healthier ways that I could get my emotional needs met, if I were to simply be conscious of what I was really after.

(To head off any misunderstanding: I am NOT saying that I was faking symptoms to get attention. Asthma was a real medical condition, like many others. But I believe such real medical conditions can also be treated energetically and consciously.)

This didn't happen in an instant, it wasn't easy, and it's an ongoing process. It means releasing victim patterns I'd carried my entire life. It means parting with a segment of my identity. It means being honest with myself from moment to moment. It means giving up the perks that come with my wounds. It means change, and it takes time.


Tapping into the transforming energy of your Heart Chakra
Here's a powerful practice that uses the transformative energy of the heart. It is called tonglen, a Tibetan word meaning "taking and giving." Practiced mystics will do this on behalf of all humanity, but I see no problem with starting small. Use it to heal yourself.

Pema Chodron says, "Tonglen reverses the usual logic of avoiding suffering and seeking pleasure and, in the process, we become liberated from a very ancient prison of selfishness. We begin to feel love both for ourselves and others and also we being to take care of ourselves and others. It awakens our compassion and it also introduces us to a far larger view of reality."

1. Get yourself into a meditative state. This can be done while sitting, while lying down, while hiking in nature, while walking (have a labyrinth nearby?) , or while creating art or music or dance. Do what allows you to lose yourself.

2. First become aware of your breathing for a few moments. Follow your breath in and out of your lungs.

3. Tonglen breathing has three parts for each breath:

• For your inhales, imagine you are breathing in all the suffering there is from this condition (infertility, the loss of a child, or cancer, for example). Allow this suffering to open your heart further and awaken your compassion for all who deal with it. Ask G*d, Jesus, your spirit guides or whomever to bless all the suffering that you accept into your heart. This is the opposite of the avoidance of pain -- it requires the welcoming of it.
• At the top of the breath, pause for just a moment to allow your heart to shift and transform the yuckiness it holds. Hold the intention to do so.
  
• For your exhales, imagine the suffering energy being cleansed and transformed by your heart and sent from your lungs back to the world. Only now what was dark is now light, what was gunky is now clear. Envision this metamorphosis, as performed by your open and aware Heart Chakra. You willingly take in suffering, and joyfully send out compassion and healing. Keep up the three-part breathing, mindfully. Fill up your room, your home, your neighborhood with this magnificently pure, love energy.
  

4. Flow and tranform for 5, 10, 20 minutes. No hard rules -- just do it as long as you can stay focused on bringing in the "bad" and sending out the "good." Don't worry about doing this "right." Make the practice yours and play with your heart's own transforming power.

5. Pat yourself on the back for setting aside some time to be conscious and still.

Why Forgiveness is good for your heart
I'll close with this quote from my journaling calendar that attests to the self-interest in the act of forgiving:

"You must forgive those who hurt you, even if whatever they did to you is unforgivable in your mind. You will forgive them not because they deserve to be forgiven, but because you don't want to suffer and hurt yourself every time you remember what they did to you." ---Don Miguel Ruiz

* (Summer reruns: During the summer months, I am interspersing new posts with entries from my Chakra series. The preceding is the fourth of eight.

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This post researched, in part, from Anatomy of the Spirit, by Caroline Myss, PhD.

The paintings for this series were created by Lisa Brown-Olsen. Her work is featured at Green Mountain Yoga. Check out GMY's" online store, where you can also find chakra balancing jewelry by Mindy Arbuckle, owner of Green Mountain Yoga.

Sol stice*

The sun stands still.

That's the translation, anyway (from Latin).

And then it reverses.

Each summer and winter solstice, I think back to a class I took while I lived in Japan. I filled my weekends that year dabbling in shiatsu, cooking, Japanese language, an obscure martial art that I can't recall now, and macrobiotics.

I've remembered the most about the macrobiotics class. As the sensei introduced us to the way of life, he explained a few fundamentals. The one that goes with solstice, in my mind, was this:

When something reaches its zenith, it begins to become its opposite.

This, to me, is profound. We reach the peak of summer, and we then head toward winter. Once the darkest part of the night passes, day advances.

There is a constant ebb and flow. Happiness and sadness. Abundance and scarcity. Maybe even life and death?

When something reaches its zenith, it begins to become its opposite.

*At 5:59 pm tonight, MDT.

Deep thought, trivia thought

We imagine conception. With our thoughts and sheer will, we try to propel the sperm toward the egg in the hopes of joining two sets of DNA to create a new being. 1 + 1 = 1. We pray to the gods for that physical being to manifest.

We argue about it. We justify our opinions on the exact moment that a group of cells becomes a person. A physical person.

But I often wonder (as do others) about the moment of ensoulment. When is the physical joined by the spiritual?

On my 40th birthday, I tried to imagine this moment in my own life. The joining of matter and consciousness, of the physical and the metaphysical. I found a deep meditative state and while I remember no thoughts from it, I was left with a a deep sense of purpose. I am. Temporal and eternal. Limited and timeless. Cells and energy, experiencing what neither can alone.

Do you have any thoughts on this?

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Yay! Looks like we made it to Day 3 of Lori's Childhood Trivia. Keep playing if you've already been here, and join in if you're new -- some of the guesswork has already been done for you.

Your guesses are good ones, and each one makes me think of riding my bike to the U Tote Em with my sister, Sheri. This was a big deal because (1) we had to cross a busy street, and (2) we'd be out of shouting distance of our parents. This was a huge step on our road to independence.

We'd buy some of the items you are guessing -- gum, comic books, Tiger Beat. And sometimes we'd buy this, the correct answer of this round.

What we know so far is that it's an object. It is not a slushy, Fun Dip, gum, a store, a gumball machine, bingo, a gasoline contest, Bazooka Joe, comic book or magazine. Here comes Clue #3:

Clue #1: convenience store
Clue #2: monthly
Clue :3: totally tubular

You're welcome to add this bling to your blog when you play. You can either copy the image and link to this hyperlink, or get the code here. I appreciate your helping bring over other players :-).


If you win, you get upgraded from Player bling to Winner bling, joining other Smart Chicks like Mel, M, Niobe and Millie.

So. Hit me with your best shot.

And tell me what you think about ensoulment.
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Part of the plan

While gardening today, I heard this song on my iPod. It brings me back to the time when I was so bereft and angry about the chasm between:

• how things were; and
• how I thought they should be

It was a time of stuck-ness, and there's nothing I hate more than being stuck.

Perhaps you will find this post at a time when it speaks to you. May you find convergence between how things are and how you think they should be.

May we all.

Part of the Plan by Dan Fogelberg
I have these moments all steady and strong
I'm feeling so holy and humble
The next thing I know I'm all worried and weak
And I feel myself starting to crumble

The meanings get lost and the teachings get tossed
And you don't know what you're going to do next
You wait for the sun but it never quite comes
Some kind of message comes through to you
Some kind of message comes through
And it says to you...

[Chorus:]
Love when you can
Cry when you have to
Be who you must
That's a part of the plan

Await your arrival with simple survival
And one day we'll all understand
One day we'll all understand
One day we'll all understand*

I had a woman who gave me her soul
But I wasn't ready to take it
Her heart was so fragile and heavy to hold
And I was afraid I might break it

Your conscience awakes and you see your mistakes
And you wish someone would buy your confessions
The days miss their mark and the night gets so dark
And some kind of message comes through to you
Some kind of message shoots through
And it says to you...

[Chorus]

There is no Eden or Heavenly gates
That you're gonna make it to one day
But all of the answers you seek can be found
In the dreams that you dream on the way




* Oh, yes. I do now.
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Present tense

You know things are dire when you are hoping for a root canal. If the antibiotics kick in by tomorrow afternoon (fingers crossed tightly), Tessa might be able to keep the tooth stub for a few more years. The goal is to hold on to it until she's a dental adult. Please continue to think toothy thoughts for us (and thanks for the ones you've already sent).

After my middle sister, Sheri, guest posted for me, I also blackmailed politely asked my youngest sister to tell how she became a New Age Republican. Well, that's half-right. Her Republican part was the same as Sheri's and mine. But her New Age path was not.

From Tami:

So my sisters both speak of life-altering moments when their chakras expanded, their minds enlightened and their 3rd eyes opened wide. So when was the moment I became "one of those" New Age people?

What if there wasn't one?

Being present

Several years ago my life and business coach Bill Brakemeier asked attendees what we wanted to get out of his Embracing Your Potential seminar. I thought the other attendees were more evolved than I was because they all said they wanted to "be more present." Puzzled, I didn't know that being present was something I should aim for. I thought that some day I would understand and that I, too, would want to learn to be more present.

In the time that has passed I've learned that being the last-born -- along with the lucky benefits of wearing hand-me-downs, living up to my athletic and intelligent older sisters' reputations, getting to do my own activities only when there was an opening on the already full family calendar, and getting the last 27 seconds in the bathroom before the yellow Chrysler station wagon left the driveway -- being the last-born delivered with it the ability to be present.

Being present allowed me to love the time I would spend with my son Dominic putting together puzzles. It allowed me to find gratitude in the middle-of-the-night wakings. When my grandparents each died, I didn't mourn their passing with sadness. I celebrated their liveliness. When my husband Gino was so, so, sick, being present allowed me to make each life-saving decision with clarity and certainty. Yes, presence has been quite a gift.

Healing and modern medicine
A gifted massage therapist enabled me to continue my new age normalcy. We called the massage room in her house "God's Room." When I broke a finger and the doctor told me I might have to have surgery to reattach my tendon, Suzanne spent night after night after night breaking up scar tissue in my injured finger. When we got the slightest movement out of that finger, she assured me that surgery wasn't necessary. The doc confirmed her prognosis. This was when I made the jump from "believing" modern medicine wasn't always the cure-all to "knowing" modern medicine isn't always the cure-all.

Hypnotherapy has helped me manage and alleviate pain. Hypnobirthing helped me bring Dominic into the world, and hypnosis meant the end of chewing tobacco for my husband (an "A-Ticket to Heaven" Catholic). Gino's current use of hypnosis is to reconnect his memory to his legs, reintroducing him to the way he used to walk. To neither of us did hypnosis seem at all strange. Among other things, this fell into the category of "won't hurt, might help."

And indeed, it does.

The power within

When Gino and I became Body-for-LIFE Champions, I learned the most about my own power. My Grandma (who died 3 years ago today) had always told me I could do anything that I decided to do. It took 12 weeks to prove it to myself. After I lost 30 pounds, 7% body fat, and 7 dress sizes, I became one of those "before and after" stories that people view in disbelief. At the end of 12 weeks I realized that Grandma was right.

This revelation has gotten me through many, many tough situations.

Last year when Gino got Guillain-Barre Syndrome was when I most needed to be aware of my inner strength. (It is also when I realized I am still grateful for modern medicine.)

Everyday New Ager

I've been in the publishing industry for more than 10 years. Deciding what books we could and could not help market, there was always a stack of books on the night-stand. The ones that got read first, and most thoroughly, were on the spectrum of New Age / Self Help. Wine in hand, my business partner Kim and I would enjoy in-depth, after work discussions about the juiciest books. The book industry brought me face-to-face with many New Age notables. I've shared a platform with Jay Abraham, Mark Victor Hansen, and Jack Canfield; held the hands of Louise Hay, shared a prayer with Doreen Virtue, and gotten a reading from Monte Farber.

Unlike my sisters, I'm not sure I ever experienced that one eye-opening moment. And oddly enough I still find comfort in the same Lutheran church I attended when I was my son's age. Does it deliver all of the answers to life and the after life? I'm not sure. But is a good place for my son to learn to believe in something bigger than himself, and how to treat others with love? You bet.

So here ends the story of how my inner beliefs were formed.

Naw. It was probably the time I drove Lori's car before I had my license and prayed to each and every GOD ever exalted that I wouldn't get caught. Yeah. That's it.

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OK, everyone. You can relax now. I'm out of sisters.

Wait a second...what was that about my car???

photo, l-r: Tami, Sheri, me. For a slightly older photo, click here.

While I wine, my sister writes

Just a quickie update before I turn this space over to a guest poster.

I'm reporting now from Oregon's wine country because I'm on a Girls Weekend with Lucy and Cheryl, two women I met the year we all lived in Japan. Thursday I also got to visit with my cousin and explore themes in our unfolding lives as children, women and parents. It's been a weekend of reflection and rejuvenation, and I am having a marvelous time.

In my last post, I invited my sisters to share the path they took for their spiritual development. I've found it interesting that we three were raised the same way (in the Lutheran church) and ended up at the same place (what some would call New-Agey mysticism) but we took different paths to get there.

From my sister, Sheri:

I spent the first 30+ years of my life creating and living a life of illusion. I was following the path that had been laid out for me: college education, professional job, getting married, and having kids. As I took each step, it seemed like I was moving ahead, but in looking back, I realize that each step took me into a deeper trance-like state. It took the very emotional crises of divorce (which shattered the illusion) to get me to “wake up.”

This is when I discovered that I was very intuitive. This was the beginning of my “New Age” journey. Here’s how it happened:

The divorce left me feeling lost and alone. How could I be leaving my marriage? This wasn’t part of the story/illusion that I believed and yet it was happening to me. Out of desperation and curiosity, I heard about a woman who read tarot cards and scheduled an appointment. As she laid these foreign-looking cards on the table, she accurately explained what was going on in my life and how I was feeling. Through the reading, I found clarity and felt as though someone finally understood.

Although I didn't know her before the reading, we became good friends – even though we are polar opposites. She later told me that I had a gift of intuition and could read tarot cards. At first I didn't believe her, but we went to buy some cards for me. I hesitated, thinking that I would probably use them for a while and then they would sit in a box somewhere.

I found that I could read tarot cards and it helped me to get in touch with my intuition and my emotions. I wrote in my journal and noted what questions I had, what cards I pulled, etc. and I got pretty good at it.

One day I remember trying to communicate with a friend of mine. He couldn't put into words what he wanted to say, so I summed up what I thought he felt. I was right on...and both of us were amazed. I asked him, "Can't you tell what others are feeling?" He said he couldn't. I realized I had been doing this my whole life. I could somehow feel other people’s feelings and identify/describe them – some times better than they could themselves. It’s called being empathic.

I started reading tarot cards for other people. In the beginning, I didn’t charge because I thought it was no big deal. It was a cool "party trick." I was amazed at how accurate the cards were and how much people got out of a reading. Three years later I started getting paid to read cards. I did it on the side and didn't talk about my hobby very much for fear that it would not be accepted.

My business cards for tarot readings now hang in several locations and I read cards as part of my life coaching business. I have even started a class on how to read tarot cards. People want to get in touch with their intuitive voice and the tarot cards provide a great tool in which to do so.

Tarot cards and life coaching go hand in hand. Tarot helps people discover what's going on emotionally; life coaching takes their progress to the next level. As a life coach, I help clients move forward and keep them accountable and supported as they make changes in their lives. Life coaching is a bit more "main stream" and more generally accepted than tarot cards. Some of my clients prefer a mainstream approach, and with some clients, I use tarot cards as a tool. It just depends what feels right.

Before I “woke up,” I depended on my left brain to help me navigate through life. This would amount to listing pros and cons and trying to intellectually analyze what the right answer was in making a life decision. With the tarot cards and through my intuition, I have added my right brain into the equation. When there is a decision to be made, I pull out my tarot cards long before I even think about creating a spreadsheet to analyze the pros and the cons. I have found that my intuitive voice is much stronger and more accurate than my analytical, left-brained, logical side. Plus, it’s more fun to play with my intuition!

I guess the shock of the divorce, meeting my friend the tarot reader, and the emotional growth that came from the crisis of divorce opened my eyes to all of the possibilities. My empathic abilities and my tarot cards were the first steps on my intuitive, New Age journey.

Sheri writes a weekly column for her local newspaper, and I keep trying to get her to blog. If you think she should, shout it at her in the comments below.

Now, back to my regularly scheduled wine tastings...
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